But does it? Today i lost quiet lot of money (not that much but for me: its dherai nai. Aba Nepali ko kamai herera ta dherai ho ni tyo amount…) Ohh, and to add misery, it was not my money but my sister’s which was supposed to be used for a noble cause: education. Aba j hunu bhai sakyo, umlya dudh ma k tauko dukhaunu (Sigh, good way to console myself.) But with that money i could have gone to Bryan Adams ko concert. Not that i want to go, was wondering myself: bela na kubela k aako hola. young hunda aako bhaye po ramailo hunthyo jun bela sabai bhanda dherai geet uskai suninthyo….aba ahile!! Feri concert ni nahola jasto chha. I was reading news that National Sports Council which own our only stadium asked for ghush meaning bribe for renting out the stadium, and at least 5 sports bodies demanded stadium be not used for concert as it will destroy grass of stadium. Well their point is valid too: Nepal is participating in AFC Challenge Cup and they need ground to practice which do not have all the dhunga and mato matra. Feri aru le bhanne holan, j gare pani harne nai ho kyare… so why to spoil all those ticket holder’s fun? They have valid argument as well.

Relating with concert: I was thinking to get subscription of one National Daily which is giving free tickets to the concert for 2 years of subscription. Then another news hit me: Bryan Adams’s Delhi concert is cancelled due to security. Aba Kathmandu concert pani cancel huna ke ber. Ani ta ghata bhai halyo ni since newspaper won’t return back my money

Since i mentioned how my whole day is ruined. It started from the very morning itself. It was 4 in the morning and I woke up with a loud bang and noises made by my window panes. The first thing that came in my mind was: Shit! earthquake. Without thinking anything, i ran to my mom’s room to wildly ask what’s happening to which my mom calmly answered: thunderbolts. Then another loud bang. One of colleague described how she thought it was a plane crash. Later news said the thunderbolt partly destroyed 300 years old temple at Swayambhu.

I managed to write all these here sitting at my veranda waiting for my mom to come so that i could enter my room. It’s locked and i don’t have keys. This post is definitely dedicated to her.

I was at so-called festival where you could eat momo as much as you like that too of so many varieties. We had reserved few chairs for our friends and waiting for them to return back with momos. Few people came and asked if the chair was free which weren’t. But there was a smart-ass who didn’t bother to ask. He just pulled the chair and took away – to my utter surprise. He seemed to be educated but too bad he lacked the basic culture of civilization: that is to ask. I hadn’t recovered from my shock, another shock hit me. Famous band Kutumba which plays traditional music was playing on stage. And the crowd just gathered around the stage, standing in front us obstructing our view. Hello, you are allowed to see but not obstruct others. We had to shout but still they either acted or really didn’t hear us and I had to literally poke them to tell them. Later many people again gathered and obstructed. We didn’t have any power left to tell everyone even we were there to see what’s happening at stage.

And one word became legendary at program: Exactly. The male M.C. was so much in love with the word, every time as a counter to female M.C. he began his sentence with exactly. It was like

Girl: this program is sponsored by this, that, this
Boy: Exactly, and we are doing …..
Girl: Hold on people, we have performance by this band…
Boy: Exactly….. Exactly….. exactly….. exactly….

Didn’t count how many times he used that word but it must have easily crossed 100.

The momos were yum. There were 22 varieties of momo and 9 varieties of pickles ranging from momo made from vegetables, chicken, pork, mutton, buff, sweets, fruits and so on. But I felt ticket price were a bit high and thanks to my friend I was misinformed about the event. I was told there are unlimited free soft drinks and free ice-creams (then only I agreed to pay the ticket) but reality was there was only a 250 ml. coke available for free and no ice-creams (you have to pay extra of course) but it included 30 ml of White Mischief vodka. I demand ice-cream now!!!!

Probably I missed to tell in beginning: I was having bad headache, had planned to go home and sleep but I ended up being there. The headache is back and I am trying to sleep!

Traveled, saw interesting things, listened interesting stories: Some worthy to share, some worthy for self-amusement only.

Had interesting free wifi session at Nepalgunj Airport. We decided to look for coke (man, mid west is reigned by Pepsi, yuck) and we voila, we found one shop. There i decided to go online and what, there was unsecured wifi. As i started uploading some pics i had clicked on the way and checked few emails. My partner in the trip asked to use the email as his iphone gave Dhoka in connecting to the available wifi. We were sitting in chairs that were attached to eachother. As soon as i handed my lappy to him, suddenly wifi is gone. Again he gave to me and it was back, full on. We both got surprises and joked…. Man there were no barriers around but still network waves decided to amuse us.

Another interesting discovery i made was: Buddha air flies to Lakhnau at around 6K and train ticket to Delhi is just under 400 NRS. Seems i should give in to my desire to visit Delhi using this route hehe….or go little more to Bangalore or Chennai or Mumbai Oh, now my desire goes wide and big lol

While flying above Kathmandu Valley one thing i saw was: almost 3 quarters of valley was having load shedding. You sucked NEA but the roads looked so beautiful with vehicles lights….it was more like some wedding night lights…. awesome

I was in love with blue, then my love shifted to black, then white, then again blue and then purple and then orange and then green… so if i hang most of recent T-shirts/Ts it will be like rainbow….

Anyone out there who compete me? lol

flickr.com/rabingrg

Once Shakespeare cried out; Life is a drama and we are mere actors.
This line always resonates in my head: actors, actors!

I ask myself, Am I actor too?

Sitting in this cold chair, looking around happy faces: I confront myself. Am I not? When have I been real? I prefer to be more reel than real. I have always pretended to hide myself from gaze, stare, judgments, and what not?

Searching skeletons in my wardrobe!

I always acted like the big cat; not afraid to reveal, at least to some. But when time came, I chickened out. Chicken; cuckoo-doodle-do.

My dad always tried to teach me: stand up for yourself, not for others but for yourself. I try to look back; have I? When my own relatives tried to snatch things away, I pretended I am too young to confront. If only had I said NO, things wouldn’t have been this way. Probably, I would have something else to rant about but not this one. Many relationships made, broken, betrayed over the time but I never had my own say. Had I taken my own stand, would things be this way? Certainly not.
Is this trait going to overrun me this time too?

Truth: stranger, bitter, unpredictable, magnificent. But still the most feared one.

No, I can’t digest bitter and stranger truth. Would I be always waiting for truth to be magnificent?
With truth: comes judgment. And I am afraid of that. Your truth will be more stranger and bitter than my truth. Won’t it be, or am I now trying to judge you?

I thought it’s up to me: why, whom, when and how! Probably a cover!

It’s time to follow my father’s footsteps. I don’t care how ugly it could be but I am not ready to make nice! And also I am not ready to back down. I shall leave things from future for future to deal with.

Stranger, bitter, unpredictable, magnificent: but truth.

I was 10 when I first heard about Hitler. My dad used to teach us about religion called “Humanity” and Hitler was one of the Satan of his story. When he told me Nazi used to stamp labels on Jews, I shuddered and my small naïve mind thought: Hitler is mad, how could anyone do that. He is really a Satan.

But as I grew up, I began to see labels everywhere. The label begins from you birth or even before you are born; cute, ugly, badmas, gyani, smart, dumb, gay, straight, cruel etc. and etc. and the label continues. No it doesn’t leave you even when you die.

And strange part of labeling is: there’s not just one label, there are sub-sub-sub-sub labels as well.

I was browsing through some youtube videos. One video by Gay Blogger caught my eye. Yes I read gay blogs, now does that make me more gay? If I haven’t read, would that make me more straight? See here too is label. (Now I know you have label on me because of that too.)

Focusing on the topic, he answers questions he receives or shares his stories. He was asked: whether he was top or bottom, another label within label. That question made me wonder, why there are sub-labels within labels. Isn’t one label enough or do we so strongly believe in nomenclature that we have to label everything and anything. We put labels on class, culture, caste, sexual orientation, looks, work, gender, and on what not? Once you are done with labeling…now second phase starts… start labeling the labels as well, and the process continues. And still, many of us claim we are different than Hitler. But are we?

Hitler labeled people publicly, we label people privately. Only that is different, isn’t it?

People smile.

At every corner!

Probably you both once had coffee together or shouted cheers for your team together or just randomly shook your hands during some conference. Still, people smile at you!

Smiles are deceiving. You don’t know whether they are acknowledging smile or betraying smile or just I-know-what-you-did-smile.

After all, people try to interpret smile as per their mood.

Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa was right in front of me, smiling. I don’t know how she was feeling when her portrait was made. People have their own theories explaining her emotions. I don’t know what I saw in her eyes. After all it was hard to tell where she was looking at. It felt like she was following me everywhere in the room, between that jostling and pushing she didn’t leave her eyes off  me. As millions before me, I tried to smile her back or say grinned at her and tried to understand how she was feeling. With folding hands put on her stomach, what emotion she was going through.

I wonder, was she thinking about her child in her womb, people say she was pregnant at that time. Or was she laughing at Da Vinci himself thinking what an ugly bloke is painting my picture. Or she feeling sad thinking someday no one will ask me to paint again as I turn ugly hag. Or she is merely smiling back to people like us who are grinning at her.

I don’t know.

As I looked into her eyes, I felt her pain…. I felt her inner happiness. Was I trying to put my own emotions into her smile? Even if so, why did I see pain in her eyes? Was I too in pain, probably I was: in pain of being far far away. Then if I was in pain, how could I see her inner happiness? Or was I too content to be in city of love? Or was I just being another philosopher?

I tried hard to gauge her emotions but failed miserably; was she happy or sad? Or is it just an illusion? And Mona Lisa herself won’t explain. All she does is, smile at everyone.

Why is smile so enigmatic? Is every smile like that or is it just her smile? I know, I won’t buy any answers but still I can’t stop asking same question, again and again!

P.S. Look at the second picture! Apparently he is crying. But is he unhappy? Look again!

P.S. 2: Monalisa picture source: Flickr/Joaquín_Martínez_Rosado

I admit, I don’t do most of things I am supposed to do myself- like making bed, or washing clothes or cooking, oh guess, cooking is not on my to do list. Just because I don’t cook or wash or make bed, I don’t become a lame duck. I pointed this truth to my mom but it fell on her deaf ears.

But hey, am pretty fast in other works like – speaking, hmm flickering channels on tv, and many more (please don’t ask about it now). Doesn’t this things count? After all to do everything, am not Superman